Back when I was a junior blogger, I started a blog called Hoses of the Holy in a Parallel Universe on another blogging platform.

In a couple of entries, I detailed my memories of my numerous failed attempts at writing novels.

As I said at the time, I’d rather be a failed actor than a failed writer, because actors tend to be better looking. You’d still be a failure, but at least you’d have your looks.

Anyway, I just came across some of these old entries, and (given that they were written over 10 years ago and probably read by nobody), thought I’d put them out there.

Unfinished Novel #1

Wrote the first just after I left school at 18, on my first typewriter, which was an Olivetti. I’m not even sure if it was electric; I don’t think so. Can’t remember the title; took me a couple of months to write.

Ended up with around 118 pages. Details are sketchy now, but the narrator, an aspiring artist, was obsessed with some girl, and she was featuring large in the painting he was working on. Some other girl was obsessed with him and threw a wobbly over something or other and went into a catatonic state. Yes, details are very sketchy. I do remember that I didn’t really know what a catatonic state involved, and still don’t.

They ended up going to France together. I was obsessed with writing bad poetry based on Sad-Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands at the time, so I expect it was shocking.