While you were sleeping, newspaper columnists have transformed society

So. Coronavirus. You may have heard of it. Did you know that it’s an opportunity? No? What has coronavirus done for you? Allow Britain’s newspaper columnists to enlighten.

Social distancing will ‘kill’ cities and change the way we all commute, it says here.

It will transform transport in Britain’s cities. I wish someone would pass that on to all the motorists and truck drivers I can hear outside my window right now.

It’s also our best chance to change universities for good. Not forgetting the wholesale reform/cancellation of GCSEs. And a chance to rethink your career choices.

It’s also, I hope you know, a chance to build a low-carbon future. We can manage this, apparently, says an article published 3 months into lockdown – even though lockdown is already being lifted and nobody has done anything about the low carbon future.

It’s a chance to plug the gaping holes in social care. I’m thinking mainly because all the dead in care homes are lightening the load. On top of this, I’m sure the system of Universal Credit is already fixed, because that article was published back in April. Remember April? Me neither.

Luckily, however, Coronavirus also offers a chance to create a fairer food supply chain. Published 18 May, and I’m sure they’re making a start on that… any… minute… now. 

Talking of food, those beacons of capitalism, restaurants, (adding value to food is pure capitalism) are never going to be the same, apparently. 

Away from food, and transport, and education, and social care, Coronavirus is also a chance to rationalise Cricket’s crazy calendar.

And a chance to reset our relationship with our phones. My screen time was up 16% last week. How about you?

But such things are trivial compared with the chance to completely rethink what the economy is for. Published 31 May, and I’m sure everybody concerned is working hard at this. And, related, working hard on ‘doing capitalism differently’. But that’s from two months ago, so I’m sure all that has been implemented by now, along with a whole new way of economic thinking.

On a more personal level, in between reforming capitalism and social care and education and transport and the food industry, and filling column millimetres, of course we’ve all been using this interlude to redesign our lives, setting goals, moving our bodies, tidying up, getting organised, and creating schedules. What with all that, and looking after our own kids, or working from home, we’ve all also had loads of time to learn new skills and grow and develop as people in a way we never have before.

But for all of this, I’m sure you agree that the biggest opportunity given by coronavirus was the chance to generate opinions for money.

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